good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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