I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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