I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
