After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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