dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Im part way to drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
