SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
