took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
