Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
