I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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