I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
