So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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