Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
