dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize