im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Michael Bay diarrhea
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
