When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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