I need help removing her.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
