Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize