I have demons in me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
