I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
