Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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