I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
