Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
