Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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