Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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