i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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