We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
