im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
