ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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