I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
