just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
