There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
