At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
