you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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