well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
