my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
