she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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