you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
