We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize