Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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