You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
