I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize