Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
