I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
