I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
