Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
