a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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