did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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