Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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