I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
