I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
