I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
