we're chasing vodka with high fives
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
