Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
