i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Houston, we have a blender
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
