Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
