We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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