I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
