Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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