You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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