i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
