I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
