Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
