I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
