Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
