I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
