There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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