What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
