If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
