the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
