the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize