My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
