Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
