just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
