you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
do nipples grow back?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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