Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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