So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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