You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
