I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize