I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
