he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
