Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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