Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
