Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
