Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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