Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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