I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
