thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
