You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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