I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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