We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
