I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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